


Won't Reach Zenith, Sunset Came First

by StrawFairy



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 23:56:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21188129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawFairy/pseuds/StrawFairy
Summary: The Yondaime Hokage died thinking that sealing just the half of Kurama inside his son was for the best. If just he knew what that would mean for Naruto.





	Won't Reach Zenith, Sunset Came First

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Counting the Days](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/529952) by liliace. 

Pain. All Naruto had ever known in his short life was pain. 

Even before he knew what the word even meant he had felt it. He used to cry all the time because of it. Yet the matron never bothered to tell anyone, believing he was just a spoiled kid, so they never gave him a check up. The cries didn’t last long, months before his first birthday he was so used to the pain he had stopped crying. A few months past his second birthday he had gotten so used to it that he didn’t even made a pained face anymore. 

Then it happened. Exactly three hours after the time he was born on his third birthday, Naruto had his very first attack. He was alone, the other kids were already sleeping, his bedroom so small and isolated nobody heard his pained screams. He coughed up blood for the first time and fainted because of the pain. 

He woke up in a sewer. 

Naruto opened his eyes slowly and took in his surroundings with incredulity. He decided to just walk around and eventually arrived at a big obscure chamber. There was a cage so big that no matter how much he tried, Naruto couldn’t see the ceiling of it. Suddenly a malicious presence appeared, making Naruto forget how to breathe for a second. A red eye bigger than him opened, and all of a sudden the chamber lit up. He could now see the giant nine tailed fox that was inside the cage. 

The kid - not having yet common sense - walked closer to the cage, eyes opened in wonder at the fox.  _ “Cool!” _ The Kyubi couldn’t believe what he just heard. From all the reactions his presence had caused, this was a first. He never thought someone would look at him and think he was cool. He was so shocked he forgot to answer with something. Naruto took that as an invitation to ask questions.  _ “Hey, hey! What are you? Why are you here? What are you doing here? Being here looks boring! And where are we? Why I’m here? Hey, hey, see I was fine in my room and then I was on the floor, everything felt… bad, like kinda wrong and I thought I was gonna die like the old hag always says I should, y’know. Then I was here, we’re in a sewer y’know? Weird! You know why that happened to me? How I ended up here? Say, you know anything? You seem like you know something! Tell-” _

The Kyubi was taken aback by the sudden torrent of words and questions.  “Enough!” he finally managed to say, and fortunately for him Naruto listened.  “I will answer your questions. First, I am the Kyubi. I am here because I am sealed inside of you. We’re in your mindscape inside the seal. As for what is happening to you, when your father, the Yondaime, sealed me inside you, he only sealed the Yang half of myself into you. So I am not whole, that messes with your chakra system, making it destroy your body from the inside slowly. I would say that, at this rate, you will be lucky to reach your twenties.”

Naruto gaped. He didn’t understand most of it, but he understood enough. Somehow, he had the Kyubi he had always heard of inside him, and the one who did it was his father. And that he was dying. Great. He didn’t even know what he should to start to freak out about first. There was so much information, so many things he wanted to ask. But for once his voice wouldn’t come out. 

Finally, he managed to croak,  _ “You… you’re not me, are you?” _

The Kyubi sneered pejoratively.  “Of course not. Do not think you are me human, you will never be me. Do not get so cocky as to think that just because I am inside you, that we are the same.”

That relieved Naruto a lot. So he wasn’t this big demon inside of him, that was something. But that lead to another question.  _ “It’s cuz of this that everybody hates me?” _

“Yes.”

Naruto frowned.  _ “But it’s not my fault! And I’m even dying cuz of this! It’s  _ ** _so_ ** _ not fair!” _

“You’re right, but let me tell you something kid. Life isn’t fair. You just got shittier luck than most people.”

Naruto huffed but conceded the point.  _ “So… I’m gonna die, huh. There’s nothing I can do?” _

“Nothing. Your chakra coils are destroying themselves. With time your body will be so deteriorated you won’t even be able to make your heart beat, not even those weird machines medics use would be able to help you. Not when it’s your own and my chakra doing this.”

Naruto looked like he didn’t know how to feel. Why was happening this to him? But the Kyubi was right, it wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair and he had to accept that. It sucked big time. He took a deep breath, willed his eyes to not water and shrugged. 

_ “Oh well, there’s nothing I can do about it. I gotta make my life the best even if short then!” _ Determination shone in his eyes. 

Again, the Kyubi was taken aback by him.  “You’ll accept your destiny… just like that?”

_ “Well, it’s not like I can change it, right? And sulking or crying over it won’t help. I mean, it never helped against this weird feeling thing that annoys me so much…” _

“What you feel is pain.”

_ “Oh, okay. It never helped with the pain so why would help with this shit right now? Nope, I won’t sulk, I’m not a crybaby!” _

The Kyubi couldn’t help but respect the kid. He sure was brave, braver than most seasoned shinobi he had known in his life.  “You are brave kit, I will give you that.”

Naruto wrinkled his nose in thought.  _ “Kit?” _

The Kyubi huffed and averted Naruto’s gaze, a bit embarrassed.  “A fox’s child.”

Naruto’s eyes lightened in realization and a bright smile appeared on his face, eyes shining with happiness.  _ “You like me!” _ He sounded so hopeful and happy. 

But the Kyubi had a reputation to maintain so he frowned.  “Don’t get too cocky brat!”

Naruto laughed in delight. He could see behind the Kyubi’s facade.  _ “Say, say, you have a name right? Tell me your name, tell me, tell me!” _

“Kurama, and stop talking so much!”

Naruto pouted.  _ “But I don’t have anyone else to talk to!” _ he complained. 

Kurama huffed.  “Me neither.” After a couple of minutes of being attacked with Naruto’s scarily effective puppy eyes he relented.  “You can come here from time to time. But not too much! And if you get too annoying I’ll just throw you out!” he rushed to add seeing Naruto’s happy face. 

_ “Hell yeah! Thanks Kurama!” _ Naruto’s happiness was contagious and Kurama couldn’t help but grin too. 

“So kit, what will you do?”

Naruto inclined his head to the side.  _ “With what?” _

“With the information I just gave you.” Kurama said slowly, like he was talking with someone stupid. 

Naruto blinked, realization in his eyes. He hadn’t thought about it. He grabbed his chin with his hand, frowning and wrinkling his nose, it showed how hard he was thinking about this. He looked utterly adorable. Finally he nodded and crossed his arms on his chest.  _ “I won’t tell!” _

“Anyone?”

_ “Anyone! Why bother? People would just celebrate over it and it’s not like they can do anything about it anyway, right?” _

Kurama grunted. The kid was right, so he just shrugged.  “Whatever kit. So you will hide everything? If you don’t want people to find out it would be better not to tell anyone about us meeting each other.”

_ “Oh you’re so right! Okay, I won’t tell anyone!” _ He made a gesture of closing a zip on his mouth, tightening his lips exaggeratedly. Kurama rolled his eyes at the childishness of the act, but since the kid was three he supposed it couldn’t be helped. It could be worse, he could be stuck with a crybaby after all. 

* * *

After that day Naruto would go to his mindscape once a week. He had tried to visit more often, but Kurama became grumpy if he disturbed his sleep too much so he settled for once a week. He would eagerly wait all week for Sunday night, when he would go and spend all night with Kurama. He even fell asleep near the cage on more than one occasion. 

It sounded crazy and ridiculous but Naruto felt safe with Kurama. Kurama was the only one who showed him even the smallest amount of kindness, the only one who was truthful with him - the one who told him all he knew about his parents and his clan, and even about Konoha’s history and the Clan Wars era. Things that were more interesting than he ever could have imagined - and didn’t insult him or scorn him. And that was enough for Naruto to think of Kurama as a friend, and Naruto protected his friends. 

Kurama for his part, felt some sort of vindictive satisfaction about the fact that it was his chakra that was killing his prison. It felt even better to think about how that annoying Yondaime would feel if he knew all the agony his son was feeling, and would feel in the future. So he couldn’t hate the kid, and with their meetings he came to respect him. He also didn’t think it was necessary to try to hurt him. He would die on his own in a few more years, certainly nothing but a blink for someone as old as him. He would be free soon enough on his own without needing him to intervene. And, ever so slowly, he started to feel another emotion for the kid, an emotion he hadn’t felt in years: warmth. He liked the kid. It was difficult to accept at first, but with the passage of the years he came to terms with it. 

The time passed and things didn’t look better for Naruto. When he had first told Kurama that he wanted to be a shinobi after seeing how everyone looked up to them, Kurama looked at him like he was crazy for half a second before shrugging and offering help. Naruto grinned like crazy. He knew what Kurama was thinking, he shouldn’t take a job that could kill him before his illness could. But he also understood that Naruto wanted to live however he wanted, to live at his fullest. So, in an act of friendship - not that Kurama would ever admit that - he offered to train him in what he knew, chakra and elemental manipulation. As well as explaining some jutsu that Kushina and Minato used often enough for him to remember the hand signs and chakra flow, and some fuinjutsu, if Naruto was interested. And Naruto, knowing thanks to Kurama that it was his clan’s specialty, accepted eagerly. 

A few years later he also told him more about his parents’ status in the world, now that he was old enough to understand it. When he realized his dad was the Yondaime Hokage, the one who was revered by the whole village, he was angry. Even more so, when he learned that he had a living godfather. His rage was so strong he had to go to his mindscape and stay there, hitting the wall and screaming at the top of his lungs until he finally managed to calm himself enough to go back. Since then he couldn’t look at the Hokage monument without feeling a turmoil of emotions; rage, sadness and hopelessness. So he usually avoided looking at it. 

Kurama also sat Naruto down and spoke to him about the cruelty of shinobi life and about what would be expected of him. He would have to be prepared to kill and even torture if necessary. Naruto gulped, trying to imagine killing someone. He spent a whole week thinking about it. In the end he decided that he still wanted to be a shinobi and that he would do whatever it took to do so. The panic of not being acknowledged his whole life steeled him. If he had to kill so be it. He didn’t like it, but he will if it was necessary for the village. 

* * *

It was finally time for Naruto to enter the Academy, and the matron kicked him out of the orphanage. That’s when Naruto met this seemingly kind and harmless old man, but he wasn’t fooled. Kurama warned about him, so Naruto didn’t trust him. But he was kind enough to give Naruto an apartment and monthly allowance. 

Not that it was too useful, with almost all the stores kicking him out the moment he set foot in them. Just a convenience store, a second hand clothes store, a store with cheap ninja tools and a ramen stand - Ichiraku Ramen - let him in. And the ramen stand was the only one who didn’t overprize him. He ended up hunting or fishing most of the time to get food, or surviving on fresh and cup ramen. The fact that his metabolism was insanely fast thanks to his body needing all the food he could get because of his illness didn’t help matters. No matter how much he ate or exercised, he never gained weight or more muscle, he had the body of a dancer. He was also very short for his age, but he still grew up enough for him to need new clothes from time to time. 

As for his clothes, he got the cheapest clothes he could get and he learned how to sew early on his life to patch them when it was needed. He tended to use oversized clothes so he could keep them longer but shoes he needed to use the correct size, and it was a pain in his wallet since he was a kid who wouldn’t stop growing for a while. That’s why when he finally stopped growing up in all senses at ten he silently cheered, he could finally stop wasting money on shoes and clothes! 

* * *

As for his ninja training, it went as smoothly as it could with most of his teachers trying to sabotage him. With taijutsu he couldn’t do much since Kurama had never used it, but he was pretty good at physical conditioning thanks to all the running and exercises Kurama made him do on a daily basis. 

His first friend aside from Kurama and the Ichiraku family was Maito Gai. He was a Jonin that found Naruto practicing taijutsu katas one day, and at Naruto’s plea, took the kid under his wing for taijutsu training. Since then Naruto improved leaps and bounds. 

The things that Naruto was the best at were chakra manipulation and fuinjutsu. He had started training at four, when he decided to be a ninja, so he had plenty of practice. It had cost him blood - literally, the attacks became more frequent - sweat and tears to become good enough for Kurama’s standards, but he managed. 

The downside of this was that the active use of chakra, although not affecting the rate his illness progressed through his body, hurt a lot. The attacks, according to Kurama, were getting more frequent not because of the use of chakra but because of the passage of time, and that they would get more frequent the older he got. He also guessed that at this rate he wouldn’t live past fourteen, and he would be lucky if he even lived long enough to reach that age. Naruto took that in stride. It just meant he would have to do his plan faster. No big deal. 

No big deal. 

* * *

When he was eight Kyubi deemed him strong enough to be considered Genin, so he went to see the Sandaime and asked him if he could take the graduation exam this year. The Hokage looked at him with an indulgent smile and said that he was too young and that there was no way he was ready. 

Naruto wanted to throw a fit. He was ready, and he. Didn’t. Have. Much. Time. He just had six years at most damnit! But he couldn’t say that to the Sandaime, he didn’t trust him enough, and he had a feeling that even knowing he wouldn’t let Naruto graduate. So he just pouted and said whatever, and ran out of the office. 

Once he arrived home, he took a deep breath and entered his mindscape. Where he threw a fit worthy of the most spoiled kid in the world when he didn’t get what he wanted. Just that this one was justified, the impotence and frustration Naruto felt were certainly justified and Kurama let his kit cry out of anger and kick and punch the walls until he got tired. He had had enough, he was just tired of everything. 

Kurama grunted and did something he never thought he would ever do. He let his prison enter the cage. Naruto’s whole face lit up and he ran through the bars without any care in the world, showing just how much trust he had in his very first friend. Once he was there he climbed until he was on top of Kurama’s head, and the Kyubi could feel Naruto’s whole body relaxing at his warmth. He huffed in feigned annoyance but it just made Naruto laugh fondly. He still covered Naruto’s small body with one of his tails. Both fell asleep like that. 

The next day Naruto woke up in a much better mood. He had decided. If the Academy teachers wouldn’t teach him anything and he couldn’t graduate early, then screw the Academy! He won’t bother going anymore than the strictly necessary to pass. If he aced all the tests he did, he would just need to go a bunch of test days and some others to fill in the necessary attendance to graduate. He had Gai-sensei and Kurama, he didn’t need them anyway. 

He started to play pranks too, they were good practice for stealth and traps, and a good way to have fun and vent pent up frustration. But most importantly, they were his way to yell at the villagers who refused to acknowledge that he existed, that he was there damnit! He didn’t want to be ignored. He didn’t fear anything more than the thought of dying without anyone mourning him or remembering him. He didn’t want to die without anyone caring. 

* * *

When he was nine he was confronted by Uchiha Sasuke at the end of the class. They went to Naruto’s apartment since Sasuke wanted to talk in private. 

“So, what do you wanna talk about?” Naruto was rightfully curious. Sasuke was the most popular boy in the whole Academy since the Uchiha Massacre and he didn’t deign to talk with anyone. And here he was, wanting to speak with ** him** , the pariah of the village. 

Sasuke looked at him like he wanted to dissect him. “I’ve seen you. You’re holding back, you are just doing the bare minimum to pass as the dead last.” Naruto didn’t see a reason to deny it since Sasuke already knew, so he just nodded, waiting for Sasuke to finish. “Why?” 

Naruto shrugged again. “Why not?” At Sasuke’s annoyed expression he elaborated. “I’m the village’s pariah, everyone hates me. The stupid morons in the Academy that call themselves teachers sabotage me in everything. So I study on my own in what I can and I got a Jonin to help me in what I can’t do alone. I don’t need their help. And I already spoke to the Hokage, he wouldn’t let me graduate early. If they'll sabotage me anyway and I can’t graduate early even if I’m ready, then why bother? Screw the Academy! There are better ways to use my time!” 

Sasuke pondered about it for a few seconds, thinking about what he would do if he were in Naruto’s position. In the end he nodded. He could understand Naruto’s reasoning. Then he smirked. 

“Want to spar?” Naruto’s bemused expression made Sasuke crack a real smile, which got a beaming smile from Naruto in return. 

That’s how the golden child and the village’s pariah became friends. 

* * *

When he was ten Naruto met one of his most precious people, just bellow Kurama and Sasuke: Umino Iruka. He was the first teacher to actually  **care** about him. Not out of obligation, but because he was a kid. He saw him just as everyone else. He saw his pranks and saw through his fear of being forgotten. He even treated him to ramen at least twice a month even when he knew how much Naruto ate. One day he confronted him, just like Sasuke had done last year, on why he was purposely sabotaging himself. 

Naruto shrugged. “Well cuz I won’t graduate early anyway and all the fuckers in the Academy hate me. The teachers sabotage me and won’t teach me anyway so why would I bother? Fuck the Academy! I can learn more on my own and with Gai-sensei!” 

Iruka sighed. He had seen how his colleagues treated the kid and he couldn’t help but understand him. But it still didn’t sit well with him. He had to at least try. “I get that, but why the dead last?” 

“Cuz it will piss Jiji more! And cuz if I’m the dead last I’ll be put in a team with Sasuke. With the two of us on the same team, we’re gonna kick ass!” 

Iruka couldn’t help but smile fondly at Naruto’s childish answer. Being the dead last to piss off someone who didn’t let him to graduate early - and, Iruka realized, probably his pranks too to at least some degree - seemed to be Naruto’s way to show his discontent at the situation. And he also understood why Naruto wanted so badly to get into Sasuke’s team. They were each other’s only friend after all. So with a defeated sigh he nodded and let Naruto do what he wanted as long as he aced all the tests, if he so much as got below eighty percent in even one of them, he will have to at least attend all classes. Naruto accepted the challenge with a wide grin. 

Since then, each time Naruto went to class he got one hundred percent. 

* * *

He had finally done it. He had become a Genin after years of trying. The fact that he had gotten a field promotion made him smile. His and Kurama’s plan worked! Early that day he had had an attack in the middle of his ninjutsu test, he didn’t manage the jutsu and failed. He rushed out to the bathroom and had his attack there. After vomiting blood in the toilet and washing his mouth and face he allowed himself to despair for a second. Then he went to his favorite spot in the village, the swing outside the Academy. 

He was thinking of all the other ways he could get a promotion when Mizuki came to him with the most ridiculous excuse he could have mustered to make him steal the Forbidden Scroll. Naruto didn’t have to fake his hopeful and enthusiastic grin. He would get to learn a kinjutsu, and once he beat Mizuki he would get a field promotion! 

And that’s exactly what happened. He got a powerful kinjutsu, though everyone thought it was the Kage Bunshin, not knowing he had known it already. His mother had used it often enough for Kurama to remember it and was able to teach it to him, but he didn’t correct them since it was better this way. 

So he became a Genin and he could breathe with relief. At least he would die as a Genin, that was something. 

* * *

Naruto was sure Hatake Kakashi hated them. It was the only possible explanation for him to neglect their training this much. He didn’t train them in anything but teamwork! No matter how much he begged, the man just smiled and said that teamwork was important. And yes it was, Naruto knew that. But they also needed to improve individually! That’s why he woke up early in the mornings to train with Gai-sensei and Lee as he has been doing the last year. When they asked about his Jonin sensei Naruto ranted about Kakashi’s laziness. Gai tightened his lips and frowned in an uncharacteristic show of disapproval, but didn’t comment and encouraged Naruto to train with them whenever he could. So Naruto spent his mornings and afternoons after missions training with team Gai. 

* * *

Naruto was sick of D-ranks. Sure they were necessary, and he wouldn’t mind them so much if he didn’t have a time limit to live his life. Life that he was currently wasting painting a fence of all things. So when they went to ask for another mission and the Hokage talked about catching that damned cat again he couldn’t take it anymore and asked for a C-rank. Fortunately both Sasuke and Sakura were sick of D-ranks too and supported his idea. They ended up protecting a bridge builder named Tazuna, they just needed to be careful of bandits and such. 

Or so they thought. 

After the Demon Brothers’ fiasco and Tazuna’s confession, they kept going and ended up facing Momochi Zabuza. The fight was like that time he saw Gai-sensei spar with another Jonin, but even more serious. It hurt so much, because he desperately wanted to reach that level someday. But he knew he would die before that. The anger, frustration, and hopelessness almost swallowed him but he managed not to cry and help Kakashi win the fight, finally getting to test his kinjutsu in a fight. The face everyone made when they saw him transform part of his body into a wind blade and barrier was priceless. Though once Kakashi woke up again, they realized Zabuza got away with the help of a fake hunter ninja.

After that he was subjected to an interrogation in which Naruto confessed to have learned that kinjutsu in the Forbidden Scroll too. Kakashi just heaved a resigned sigh and then smiled, ruffling his hair and congratulating him in successfully using an A-rank ninjutsu in battle to protect the client. Naruto beamed at the praise and permitted himself a bit of boasting, which was received with indulgent and amused expressions. 

When Kakashi tried to teach them tree walking both Naruto and Sasuke smirked and declared proudly that they could spar on the water by now. Naruto had taught Sasuke after using tree walking during one of their spars, it had been the first chakra control exercise Kurama taught him. Kakashi raised his eyebrow but just said that he wanted to see it and made Sakura start on tree walking. Once he confirmed they could do it well enough Kakashi made Sasuke practice a fire jutsu more powerful than his usual signature one, and made Naruto practice the explosive clone jutsu - which he absolutely loved. 

* * *

There had been very few times Naruto had been so done with someone, but this little kid took the cake. He tried to ignore him, he really tried, he was just a small kid after all. But in the end, when Inari yelled that they would die for the fifth time that day he lost it. He knew that he would die, he didn’t need a spoiled kid reminding him every hour, thank you very much. So he tossed his chopsticks on the plate with force, making them bounce loudly, and stood, not caring about the fact that all eyes were on him now. 

“Oh so you think you’ve had it rough? Have you gone to the town, you spoiled little crybaby shit? Have you seen the kids smaller than you and the old people in the streets, dressed in nothing but rags and starved, begging for food or money? Well? HAVE YOU?” He shook his head and looking down on Inari, who was wide eyed like everybody else. “You sit here, with a roof over your head, with a loving mother and grandfather that do their damn best to make sure you have everything you need and DARE TO SAY THAT? Repeat what you said, I DARE YOU! We’re gonna die? News flash kid, everybody dies someday! We either go big or go home and we are shinobi, we don’t go home crying cuz we’re scared we could die! We’re going to do our damn job so stop whining! Or do you want your grandpa to be killed or something, you stupid little shit?” 

Not waiting to see anybody’s reactions he left the house before they could stop him without looking at anyone. He spent the night training until he finally calmed down and decided to sleep in the forest. 

* * *

He woke up alert, feeling a chakra he had felt before coming close. It was the fake hunter ninja’s chakra. He feigned sleep, wanting to see what the other would do. When the older boy just shook him to wake him up, he was confused but decided to play along. The chat that followed was pleasant and profound. Haku spoke about precious people, about fighting for someone else and about love and sacrifice for those loved by you. 

When he told Haku about his life - though not about his illness - Haku seemed to understand him better than anyone ever had. His eyes were kind, full of understanding and camaraderie. So when the blond asked about Haku’s life, Naruto wasn’t too surprised to learn it was similar to his own, if bloodier. 

He decided there and then that he didn’t want Haku to die, and he didn’t want him to despair either, so Zabuza had to live too. What to do? After a few moments he decided. He masked his presence the best he could and followed Haku to their hideout. Once he made sure that there was just Zabuza, Haku and himself there he showed himself, putting the two other ninja in alert. 

Naruto held his hands up in surrender, showing his hands were empty. “Relax, I come in peace.” Seeing that the missing ninja didn’t drop their stances he sighed. “Look, I just came here to talk, alright?” 

“What do you want?” 

“I want you to live.” 

Zabuza thought he had heard wrong. “Excuse me?” 

“Well I kinda like Haku now, so I don’t want him to die. And you kinda come as part of the deal so…” He shrugged and then grinned. “I have a plan!” 

“What plan?” 

“I’ll kill Gato and give you guys half his money, sound good?” 

Zabuza couldn’t bite back an incredulous laugh. “Just like that?” 

“Well yeah, he’s just a weak old man after all. Does he have more ninja?” 

“No,” Zabuza admitted. 

“Then it won’t be too difficult, I’ll just have to sneak up on him while he sleeps and kill him. What do you say? You’ll get more money than if you keep being with him after all.” 

“...True. But how do we know you’re telling the truth?” 

“If I’m lying then you just need to do what you were doing before. I’ll bring Gato’s head as a proof.” 

Zabuza and Haku looked at each other and finally shrugged. “Sure kid, you have a deal.” 

Naruto grinned ferally. “Cool.” 

* * *

Naruto came back to Tazuna’s home late at night. Everyone looked at him with a mix of relief and annoyance. But then they realized that he was covered in blood, not in grime like they had first thought. They looked at him in alarm and concern. Before they could start scolding him or fussing over him, he showed them two scrolls. “Gato’s head and money for y’all!” He announced cheerfully. 

They looked at him not registering his words. Then as they sunk in, they looked at him with incredulity. “What?” 

Naruto wordlessly tossed one scroll to Kakashi and the other to Tazuna. “Here, Gato’s head and Gato’s money. Well, half of his money, I made a deal with Zabuza so he got the other half,” he explained nonchalantly. 

Kakashi froze in the middle of opening the scroll and turned his head slowly to Naruto.“You did what?” 

Naruto shrugged uncaringly of how everyone was looking at him. “I got bored of waiting. When I saw the fake hunter ninja I followed him, made a deal with Zabuza, sneaked in Gato’s office, killed him, got his head and half of his money and came back. The money’s for the people Tazuna-san, they sure as hell need it.” 

Kakashi looked at him with a strange expression on his face and finally sighed, smiled at him and ruffled his hair. “Don’t do something so dangerous again, got it? But well done anyway. Go shower.” Naruto made a mock salute and a cheeky grin as a reply and went to shower. 

Once he was alone in the bathroom he allowed himself to vomit and to cry silently at what he had done. He kept repeating to himself that it was a necessity, that Gato had done horrible things and thus he deserved it, but the images of his dying form kept coming mercilessly. He had nightmares about it for the rest of his life. 

People’s response to his act of kindness was overwhelming. Everyone looked at him with adoration and gratitude, everyone smiled at him, thanked him and wanted to spend time with him. It almost made Naruto consider the idea of retiring as a shinobi and staying here. Almost. 

When the bridge was finished and they named the bridge after him Naruto couldn’t be prouder. He had finally accomplished something. He wanted more of this sentiment, but even if he couldn’t do more, he was satisfied. He could die in peace, knowing he helped someone, that there were people out there who would remember him even if he died. For him that was enough. 

* * *

Because the good things couldn’t last long, his attacks grew more frequent and intense. He accepted it stoically, for that moment he was so used to them he didn’t even made a face, though he still fell to the floor since his muscles didn’t work properly during the attacks. It was more an annoyance than anything else for him nowadays. 

But that made him more frustrated with the lack of training. Because Kakashi  **still** refused to teach them anything useful. When Naruto whined about it, not wanting to show how desperate he truly was, he just received a smile and a hair ruffle. Kakashi always said something on the lines of him being too young to worry about that, and that he had all the time in the world to become strong. 

Naruto wanted nothing more than to scream at Kakashi that no, he had a year at most, he didn’t have all the time in the world. But he couldn’t. So he always ended up pouting and fake sulking like a kid, keeping his facade in place. 

So he trained with team Gai more than before, and sparred with them and Sasuke so often it was almost everything he did, alongside training with the Kyubi and learning jutsu from the library’s scrolls. 

* * *

When Kakashi told them he nominated them for the Chunin Exams he felt half annoyed, half excited. Because, really? After denying them training all this time he goes and signs them up for a dangerous exams where people died? On the other hand, this was his only chance to become Chunin, so he won’t waste it. 

So he swallowed his ethics and sneaked into the office where the papers about the exams were held. He read all of them and memorized what each test was made for, already planning ways to beat each of them. 

The day before the exam he couldn’t sleep well, he kept waking up because of the nerves. This was his one and only chance. At five in the morning he gave up and decided to get up. He wasn’t worried about having slept two hours at most, restless nights were a common occurrence for him, sometimes the pain was that strong. 

He arrived at the site of the exams nearly an hour early, so he sat on the ground in front of the entrance and played distractedly with his hands. He took advantage of the solitude to talk with Kurama before everything started. 

Once Sakura and Sasuke arrived, they entered the building. Sasuke looked at him and sighed, giving him a look that clearly said he noticed he hadn’t slept and considered him an idiot for it. Naruto just shrugged and gave his friend a sheepish smile, it wasn’t like he hadn’t tried to sleep. 

After ignoring the obvious genjutsu and preventing Sasuke from yelling about it to everybody, they were welcomed by Kakashi, who encouraged them to do their best before he left. Once inside, Naruto found himself in the middle of all his ex-classmates that made it to Genin. He wanted to bang his head on any available surface. Seriously, what were this generation of Jonin teachers thinking? 

After a pretty suspicious senior Genin named Kabuto impressed his peers with information from other participants he shouldn’t have and a near fight, the proctor finally arrived. Naruto took his seat and quietly made a Kage Bunshin already henged into a fly under his desk - he had mastered that trick nearly a year ago, it took him almost two weeks but he finally managed - and sent it to scout for someone who looked like they knew what they were doing. After receiving the memories of his henged clone he started to write and waited for the rest of the hour to pass. After sitting through the proctor’s speech and witnessing the proctor for the second exam’s entrance, which was really cool, he regrouped with his team and together they went to the location of the second test. 

Since he already knew what the test was, he offered to get their scroll and made a Kage Bunshin. It henged into an earth scroll this time since they had received a heaven one, and stole the real scroll of another unsuspecting Genin, putting his henged clone in its place. Once they were alone in the forest he showed his team both scrolls and just gave a smug grin in reply to the incredulous but resigned Sasuke and Sakura. So Naruto made more clones, two thirds henged into his teammates to roam in the forest and scout the rest of the Genin while they went straight to the tower. 

Seeing Iruka’s surprised but proud face at see them completing the test so soon was really satisfying. The fact they were the first ones to arrive at the tower was also very satisfying. Naruto spent the rest of the time practicing in secret and receiving constant information from his dispelled clones. Once a day he would talk with Sakura and Sasuke about the other teams to discuss their abilities and how they could counteract them. And he warned them about Gaara, who he knew was an unstable Jinchuuriki thanks to Kurama. He hadn’t told them about Gaara’s tenant though, he had no right to reveal that information. 

The problem came when he felt an attack starting in the middle of his fight. He had wanted to fight Kiba at a calm pace, trying to surprise everyone in the finals, but now he needed to finish this quickly. So he used high speed to stand behind Kiba and hit him in the nape with the butt of a kunai. Kiba fell limp, immediately unconscious. Naruto didn’t even bother to wait for the proctor to declare him the victor, he ran to the bathroom to have his attack in peace. 

* * *

Honestly he wasn’t surprised. Of course Kakashi would train Sasuke and not him, because Sasuke had a very dangerous opponent that would kill him if given the chance. Naruto didn’t like it, didn’t like being left behind. But he didn’t complain either because there was a logical reason behind it, even if he hated that reason. At least Kakashi got someone to train him. Someone who didn’t like him granted, but it was better than nothing. 

But thanks to this, he found an even better teacher: Jiraiya of the Sannin. Why the man wanted to teach him was obvious, even if he tried to hide it. It was because he was the son of Jiraiya’s dead student. But obviously Naruto didn't mention it. He couldn't tell anyone he knew that after all. 

Naruto wanted to get something new up his sleeve, so when Jiraiya presented him with the toad contract he nearly jumped in glee. This will help him a lot in the future. And seeing his name under his father’s made him smile in pride each time he remembered it. He had accomplished something else, he was making it happen. 

What came after it, Naruto didn’t like so much. At Jiraiya insistence he tried to draw on Kurama’s chakra. It was a bad idea. He didn’t use much but the pain was so strong he grimaced, barely managing passing it as a look of concentration. The pain was equal to a weak attack - without his muscles giving in and coughing blood, that’s it. Jiraiya, oblivious to Naruto’s pain, encouraged the blond to try the summoning in his state. Once Naruto was alone he went to talk with Kurama and see how much damage that made. The good news is that drawing Kurama’s chakra in small quantities would only bring him pain as a consequence, but from one tail of chakra he would pay with time from his already short lifespan. One month for each tail exactly. 

Naruto sighed and stayed with Kurama, both formulating excuses so he won’t have to use Kurama’s chakra again. The training kept going like that, with Jiraiya occasionally teaching Naruto a new taijutsu move and, once Naruto showed how proficient in seals he was, how to make seals with his own chakra and fingertips. 

* * *

The day of the finals arrived. He fought with Hyuga Neji, a fight he was looking forward to after he heard what he did to Hinata. The fight was a bit difficult for him, taijutsu wasn’t one of his specialities after all. While learning about what the Hyuga Clan did to the Branch House disgusted him, he still couldn’t forgive Neji for what he did to shy, sweet Hinata, who he was sure didn’t treat the Branch House as slaves at all. He said so, something that angered Neji, even if he deep down he knew it was true. The fight kept going, but in the end Naruto had enough jutsu up his sleeve to be able to win the fight. 

The rest of the fights passed in a blur for Naruto, who really didn’t care about them. He was just grateful he hadn’t had an attack in the middle of the fight. That would have been difficult to explain. 

Kakashi and Sasuke appearing in the arena took him off his musings. He was a bit nervous about this fight. No matter how good Sasuke had become, fighting an unstable Jinchuuriki was never advisable. Even more so if you didn’t know the risks. The fight went surprisingly even until Gaara lost control and started to transform, never a good sign. The genjutsu that fell on the whole stadium and the attack that followed wasn’t a good sign either. Naruto cursed his luck, they were at war now. 

Following orders, he went after Gaara and Sasuke. Arriving just in time to save Sasuke from death, he then took Sasuke’s place. 

A taijutsu battle, fully transformed Shukaku and a summoning of Gamabunta later, Naruto was finally able to win. But he wasn’t satisfied with just that. So he walked to a terrified Gaara, and hugged him. Gaara was so shocked he just stood there, without knowing what to do. A heartfelt conversation later, where Naruto spoke about his burden and determination, Gaara decided to try to become a better person and both parted ways as friends. 

* * *

Knowing about the Sandaime’s death wasn’t easy for Naruto. Despite never having fully trusted the man, the Sandaime had been a constant in his life, and he truly cared about him. A burning hate for Orochimaru took place in his gut, but he knew he wouldn’t ever be strong enough to be able to defeat the Sannin. He just didn’t have enough time left, which brought despair and hopelessness to him. 

When Jiraiya told him about their mission to bring back the new Hokage, Naruto followed suit enthusiastically, eager to see how this Tsunade person was. The fact that he was learning a powerful new jutsu on the way just made it better. 

He had to say he was disappointed. This woman had suffered a lot, he could tell. But to someone like him, who didn’t have enough time and tried to spend it all at his fullest. Seeing someone waste precious time,  **years** of her life drowning in despair, living in the past and letting her problems and losses overwhelm her made him want to scream and punch some sense into her. 

When she disrespected the Hokages he just couldn’t take it anymore. He stood, banging his hands loudly against the table. “At least they died doing something useful, it’s way more than what you could say about yourself now. Letting your problems rule your life won’t make you any good. You egotistic, bitter old hag!” 

Tsunade, obviously, didn’t take too well to being called out and pulled him out of the restaurant to fight. Naruto obviously lost, but seeing him use the Rasengan shocked Tsunade, who looked at Naruto in a new light. 

After that Tsunade spoke with Naruto and they shared experiences - Naruto without telling her about his illness, just about his treatment by the village. In four days Naruto managed to convince Tsunade and both went back to Konoha. 

* * *

Naruto couldn’t smile wider even if he tried. He had gotten a promotion, he was officially a Chunin! He won’t die just a simple Genin, he had accomplished something else. The celebration with his friends, and then another one with Iruka made everything even better. Kakashi’s proud smile and congratulations helped too. 

* * *

He wanted to scream at the unfairness of the world. But he refrained because he knew since before he could read that life wasn’t fair, and he was a prime example of it. But honestly, this was depressing. If it weren’t for his illness and approaching death he could take Jiraiya’s offer to go into a three years training trip with him. He could just dream about how strong that would make him. But he didn’t have three years, he doubted he had even one left. There was no use in doing that trip in his condition. He wanted to spend the rest of his time with his precious people. So he refused. Jiraiya was not happy with that, he could tell the man would insist. 

He hadn’t expected this though. 

He was called to the Hokage office and was surprised to find all his friends there, including Gaara - who was there on a diplomatic mission - Iruka, Kakashi, and Gai. He looked at them, surprised and confused. 

“Hi? What are you guys doing here?” 

“Naruto, we are here to say you should go with Jiraiya-sama on the training trip. It’s a one lifetime opportunity! You can’t just waste it!” Sakura said, not understanding why Naruto didn’t want to go.

Naruto sighed and pinched his nose. “Thanks guys. But I don’t wanna go.” 

“That’s not a good reason, it will help you grow up as a ninja. I thought you wanted more training?” Kakashi said from the back. 

Naruto sighed. “Yeah I do, but I won’t go out of the village for that.” 

Sakura sighed exasperated, like she was talking to a small child. “Oh c’mon! It’s just three years, they will be over in a blink!” 

_ “No they won’t! I don’t have fuckin’ three years! I don’t even have one!” _ He wanted to scream at them the truth, but he refrained and just said, “Listen I have my reasons-” He was cut short by the pain that always came before one of his attacks.  _ “Shit not now!” _ “Oops, I really need to go to the bathroom, anyways see ya guys!” 

He walked to the door the fastest he could but Jiraiya intercepted it. “I won’t fall for that trick! You stay here until you explain yourself!” 

“Oh c’mon! I really need to go!” Naruto was getting desperate, he could feel it coming. Before he could try to convince Jiraiya to let him go to the bathroom, the attack came. 

It was a strong one. 

He fell to the floor like a puppet without strings and started to convulse and cough blood, every muscle of his body burned with force. But with the ease that came with experience he didn’t scream, not even once. 

That didn’t stop his friends from panicking. He could hear their worried voices like they were in the distance, like there was water separating them. The only thing that he could think of was that his secret ended here. There was no way he could shrug this off. Didn’t mean he won’t try though. 

Tsunade was on him quickly, hands glowing green and examining him. Once they saw his condition and the full extent of them she couldn’t stop the tears flowing from her eyes. That made the rest of them to panic even more. 

“What’s up Tsunade-hime? What’s happening to him?” But she didn’t answer, too shocked to talk. 

Finally, after what felt like an hour but in truth was just a few minutes, the attack stopped. Naruto keep laying there a few seconds more, until the twitching stopped and he managed to regulate his breathing. Then, to everyone’s shock he stood straight, if a bit shakily, cleaned the blood out of his mouth with the sleeve of his jumpsuit and smiled at them in a sheepish way. 

“Sorry you had to see that.” 

“Sorry we had to see that? That’s all you have to say?” Sakura asked in incredulity, voice turning so high pitched it hurt everybody’s ears. 

Naruto rubbed his nape. “Well I don’t know what else to say to be honest. I didn’t want you to know. If just Ero-sennin would have let me go to the bathroom,” he said, glaring at Jiraiya without any heat behind it. 

Gai asked worriedly, none of his usual cheerfulness present. “What do you mean? It’s not the first time this happens?” 

Naruto sighed, there was no use in keeping the secret after they saw that. “Yeah, I’ve had them since I was three. I’m used to them by now.” 

That shocked everyone. “Three… years old?” Kakashi managed to croak. 

Naruto nodded. “Yeah, it’s a pain in the ass, but as I said, I’m used to them by now. No biggie.” 

“No biggie? NO BIGGIE? HOW IN HELL IS  **THAT** NO BIGGIE? EXPLAIN YOU IDIOT! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? ARE YOU SICK?” Sasuke screamed in worry, not understanding how Naruto could take this so nonchalantly. 

Naruto laughed without humor behind it. “Yeah, I am.” 

Iruka immediately fussed over him, which warmed Naruto’s heart in a bittersweet way. “Why didn’t you say anything? You would have been cured years ago!” 

Naruto shook his head. “Nope, it’s not possible to cure what I have. I…” He couldn’t bear to look at them for what he was about to say. The irrational fear that they wouldn’t care made him look at his feet. “I’ll die soon.” 

Silence fell in the room after those words. Everyone was shocked after that, then they exploded, they screamed, and they demanded answers. 

Jiraiya turned to Tsunade, who was still crying. “He is not right, you can cure him, right Tsunade-Hime?” The question is more of a desperate plea for reassurance than anything else. 

Tsunade shook her head, making everyone despair. “I… I can’t! There’s nothing that could be done for his condition, it’s his very chakra that is turning against him! No matter what we do, he would die in-” 

“A few months,” Naruto interrupted her, his voice soft but heard loudly in the silent room, making everyone look at him again. He looked at Jiraiya. “I won’t live past fourteen. That’s why I won’t go on a trip with you. I won’t live past that and there’s no point in becoming stronger now. I don’t have time for that. I just want to spend what I have left with my precious people.” 

He let that sink in. Hinata fell to the floor, Sakura was crying, hands on her mouth to muffle her sobs. Everyone had sad or grim faces and most of them had tears in their eyes. It was the best reaction Naruto could have seen. They cared. They actually cared. A smile crept to his lips. 

Sasuke didn’t took that well. “Why are you smiling?” He advanced and grabbed Naruto by the collar of his shirt. “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SMILING? HOW CAN YOU STILL SMILE? AFTER ALL OF THIS? KNOWING YOU WILL DIE-” a sob escaped him and he rested his head on Naruto’s chest. Naruto simply laughed awkwardly once Sasuke composed himself and separated himself from Naruto. 

“Sorry about that. It’s just… I’m so happy you actually care. I know you guys care. But I had this irrational fear that nobody would care if I died and… Well seeing you genuinely care about me is… is more than I had ever dared to dream.” 

Still not fully processing what was happening, Shikamaru managed to ask, “But why? Why is this happening to you?” 

Naruto sighed but shrugged. What the hell? “Well I guess there’s no use in hiding it now. I… I’m a Jinchuuriki, I’ve had the Kyubi sealed inside me since the day I was born.” 

Gasps let the mouths of the younger generation, but nobody looked at him in disgust or fear, just surprise. Before any of the young generation could say anything Kakashi spoke. 

“Wait a second, you’re saying that is the Kyubi who’s doing this?” 

Naruto made a noncommittal sound. “Sorta. You see, the Yondaime, sealed just the Yang half of the Kyubi in me. So his chakra is messed up and that messes up mine, which makes it act how it’s acting… It’s difficult to explain sorry, probably Baa-chan can explain it better…” 

Jiraiya looked at him in disbelieving guilt. “So… it’s because of how Minato sealed it…” 

Naruto smiled bitterly. “Yeah…” 

Jiraiya looked at him with grief and determination. “I’ll try to do something about this. I’m not sure if I will be able to do it, but I won’t give up.” Tsunade nodded with determination burning in her eyes. 

Naruto smiled warmly at them. “Thanks, but really. Just spending the rest of the time I have with you guys, it’s enough for me!” 

They nodded, and everyone gave Naruto a hug, making him tear up a bit. He hastily brushed them off and smiled at them. 

* * *

True to their word, they didn’t give up. Everyday at least one of his friends spent most of their free time with him. Now all his friends knew about him being friends with Kurama and his parents, but none of them seemed to care about either, they were just too worried about him. Even Gaara visited often and spent most of his time with Naruto, who appreciated it greatly. 

Naruto wasn’t given missions outside of the village anymore in case he died alone outside. But that was okay with him, he understood and appreciated the gesture. And guard duty wasn’t so bad, he got to talk a lot and know more people. 

* * *

Today team seven was visiting him, a forcefully cheerful Sakura looking at his plants while he made tea. Eventually Sakura ran out of topics to make small talk with and sat down, everyone sipped their tea absently. Finally Sasuke got tired of ignoring the pink elephant in the room and asked, “How’s it like?” 

Naruto looked up to Sasuke with a confused expression on his face. “How’s what like?” 

Sasuke hesitated before answering. “How’s like knowing you’ll die?” 

Naruto got lost in thought for a few seconds before answering in an absent voice, like he wasn’t there entirely. “Well… none of us will live forever. Though I would love to live longer so I could do more with my life, y’know, becoming as strong as Jiji, Tsunade-baachan and Ero-sennin, have a family and those things. But I’ve come to terms with this since I was three. Sure it sucks big time, but crying over it won’t do any good.” He shrugged. “Life isn’t fair, I just got shittier luck than some other people.” 

A heavy silence fell after those words. None of them knowing what to say after this, until Kakashi managed to smile at the blond. 

“Sorry, I thought that not overtraining you I was letting you three enjoy more of your childhood while you could. I understand your insistence on training now. I thought you just childishly wanted to rush, I never thought you would have such a good reason to rush.” He sighed. “You’re very brave, you know? Accepting this situation like that… Not many people could do it. I’m not sure if I could to be honest…” 

Naruto beamed at him. “Thanks, Kakashi-sensei. And no worries, I kinda understand what you’re saying.” 

After a few more moments of comfortable silence, Sakura asked a question this time. “Do you hate the Yondaime? For doing this to you?” 

“I honestly don’t know. I’m certainly not happy for what he did, and using his own son for that… I guess it was because he was too noble and shit, also cuz I’m an Uzumaki. But… I just wish he would have done it differently. If he would have just sealed all of Kurama inside me… but thinking about ‘what ifs’ won’t solve anything. What’s done is done. And I’m pretty sure he didn’t want this to happen so no, I don’t hate him. Though I’m not happy with him either.” 

The rest of the evening was spent on more light subjects, although the two attacks that hit the blond worried his teammates. The attacks had become exponentially more frequent. And no matter what both Jiraiya and Tsunade tried, nothing seemed to work, not even in the slightest. 

Naruto was honestly very grateful to them, but he didn’t like the helplessness that overcame the two Sannin’s features when a new attempt failed. He wished he could stop hurting his precious people like that. Even when he objectively knew it wasn’t his fault, a part of himself couldn’t stop blaming himself for the looks of despair that graced their faces each time. 

Lately the attacks were so frequent they hit him at least once an hour. He was close to dying. He knew this, and even though he had been preparing for this moment nearly all his life, he couldn’t stop the negative emotions that sometimes overwhelmed him. 

He didn’t want to die. 

* * *

Naruto shot his eyes open with a start. This attack was the strongest he ever had. He even let out whimpers, which he hadn’t done since he was a little kid. Suddenly it struck him.  _ “I’m going to die now. This is it.” _ The attack was burning his chakra coils and organs, he could feel the muscle tearing and he vomited not only blood but something black and viscous.  _ “Fuck… why do I have to die like this? I mean, I don’t want them to see me like this. But I wish I would have said to them more often how much they mean to me, how grateful I am. I wish I could say goodbye.” _ His last thought before dying was,  _ “If I just could have survived another day I would be fourteen.” _

Next morning Iruka knocked on the door. It was his turn to visit the blond and he was looking forward to it. He hadn’t seen him in a while. He frowned when Naruto didn’t open the door. A feeling of dread washed over him and knocked again with more force. Again nothing. He started banging the door desperately to no avail. He cursed and forced his way open, breaking the door in the process. 

_ “Please let him just be asleep, please just let him be too tired to get up. Please please please please please!” _ He spotted Naruto on the bed and his heart stopped for a second at the sight. There was dried blood on the sheets, and his body looked broken. His skin was a canvas of bruises, some of them black. Naruto’s eyes were open and glazed, his lips were a blackish purple that made the teacher despair. He ran to the blond’s side and touched his neck to search for a pulse. The skin was cold, way too cold. And there was no pulse. “No no no no nO NO NO NO NO!” 

Iruka hugged the limp form of his favorite student, tears running freely from his eyes. After a few minutes he composed himself and closed Naruto’s eyes. He hesitated for a second but in the end he left Naruto to go to the Hokage Tower. 

* * *

It has been a month since Naruto’s funeral and none of his friends were faring his death well. What hurt everyone the most was that he had died alone. Nobody had managed to say goodbye to him. There were so many things they wanted to say to the blond, but they couldn’t, they never would be able to do it now. They hated themselves for not telling him how much they cared, and they couldn’t stop wondering if he had understood. If he had died knowing he was loved. 

But there was nothing they could do about it. Just as with his illness, they couldn’t do anything. Anything at all. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to my wonderful beta Darkwoods!


End file.
